Gossip Ghoul

Surprise, surprise, the Gossip Girl books have totally jumped the shark. And the ones with the ghost writer? Fallen in the water and been eaten. I have standards, even for trashy froth.

It got me thinking, though, that maybe I should lobby to write the next book. If CSI can spin off into different cities, spreading its unrealistic DNA test results all over the country, then why not Gossip Girl: Obscure Midwestern City? Welcome to my pastiche.

Hey people!

You know who we are. We may not be rich, we may not be beautiful, but we're what everybody wants to be. The hottest, the coolest, sometimes the coldest: we have it all and we know it. Classic blaxploitation movies coming in the mail, friends who'll hand-knit us skull-patterned tea cosies, still a few coffee shops that aren't Starbucks. You'll know us when you see us walk down the icy streets in our to-die-for knee-high boots and enormous vintage coats, the must-have look of the season!

I know they say that size matters, but that chain-link fence by the Art Deco Theatre is ridiculous. Hope they open the sidewalk soon, because we need to get from the Biz/Dirty E axis to the Montes/Atomic/Dempseys line, and back again. Not to mention fortification at the Pita Pit before and/or after. Believe me, nobody wants any drunk girls sliding in front of their SUVs.

Speaking of the E, early Friday morning we spotted a can and some unopened cans of Bud lying in the entrance to their driveway. There's gotta be a story there. If anyone knows it, I'd love to hear it!

Sightings:

K. at the E, buying a round for the table. She must have mistaken that sudden cold snap for hell freezing over.

A certain hot coffee slinger and some of his friends coming into the Latin Bar just as the alumni writers' party was breaking up. Actually, a whole gaggle of boys wandered in about 10 o'clock. Close quarters, flattering lighting, not a bad place to stop for a casual drink, if you're in the market.

That lovely, too rarely seen artiste at a retro diner with my favorite cross-dresser. I don't know how they know each other, but I'm dreaming -- collaboration! Just keep your art out of the alleys, kids, at least until this town gets its sense of humor back.

Oh, and that Local Boy Made, uh, Successful has a new book coming out next year. A novel. I'm placing bets now that it'll be set at Duffy's, if you want to get in on the action.

You know you love me,

Gossip Ghoul

You know, that was just too easy. Kinda scary. Don't worry; tomorrow I'll be me again.