I ran to the gas station for coffee this morning, and discovered some plaster Virgin Marys for sale. They're about five inches tall, with Barbie doll-like faces, set in rainbow-colored hard plastic bases. Made in China. $2.99.
Each Mary comes with a "Certificato di Garanzia," printed in both Italian and English: "This figurine created in the (name withheld) studio by its master sculptors was entirely handcrafted and finished with care by its craftsmen. It represents the very best that anyone can offer to collectors throughout the world."
That's right: this is the very best that anyone can offer. This is, in fact, as good as it gets.